Right after his undergraduate studies he did his masters (MBA) in a very good UK university, graduated with distinction, and landed a job at a well-recognized bank. He had always admired banking as a job, and in this century anyone in the banking field is seen as lucky. He dreamed of being the best CEO or highest shareholder of a Bank. Well now he was in it. He was a Banker with a well paid position as well.
For his first 6 to 9 months at work he worked so hard and made a great impression, which became visible to all his colleagues, branch management, and also the entire management team of the bank at the head office level. His volume of work was increased weekly as there was literally nothing this “human-robot” could not do. His colleagues and managers sought him for advice and tips related to work and the right way things should be done to yield expected results. He was growing so fast in his new career that he was always recommended to anyone at any medium/ higher level who needed to brainstorm for ideas or needed some guidance. He was always in the selected team for any new projects the bank was interested in undertaking to improve their services and for profit maximization, and he was always there to perform beyond expectation.
He got promoted in his 9th month; a promotion that took some of his colleagues years to achieve. Some of his colleagues began envying him at work, yet he still continued to work at his well known pace and was still available to help anyone who needed his assistance. He always had a bright smiley face and kept his vision ahead of him.
He was so focused on his dream, that NOTHING could stop him… Well so he thought.
Out of nowhere he was suddenly hit… By what you may ask? First I must mention that he had been diagnosed of Bipolar Depression/ Disorder about 2 months after his employment, so throughout his 2 months to 7 month period he had been on Bipolar medications, and he was managing his medications, psychotherapy sessions, and job well. So well that he felt so well he thought he was “HEALED” from her Bipolar Depression and other mental illnesses. He stopped taking his medications and attending his therapy sessions, and he was well for 2 more months till after his 9th month WHEN HE GOT HIT REALLY HARD.
He got the worst depressive episode of his life since he was diagnosed of having Bipolar Depression, a mental illness which affects how a person feels, thinks, and even acts sometimes.
Suddenly this human-robot became so depressed that he lost all hope he had in himself and his career, he started paying attention to negative things people said about him even at work. He lost all his motivation, so much that he got to the worst feeling ever: he became SUICIDAL. He adopted binge drinking alcohol every other day after work to numb how terrible he was feeling about himself. He had no close friend aside work friends to actually confide in, to talk about how he was feeling. He was ALONE, though with people moving around him on a daily basis. He decided to man up and fight his battle alone. He got back to the hospital for treatment. He was put back on his medications, though they didn’t work as fast as he wanted them to.
For his first suicide attempt he slit his left wrist with a razor blade. He couldn’t cut deep enough to bleed and he drunk himself to sleep. Unfortunately for him he realized a bit of euphoria when he cut his wrist, and he wished he had cut deeper. The next day he made a cut again, went deeper than the previous cut but still was not deep enough to bleed. The next day he cut deeper and could bleed a bit more this time round. As the days went by after work each day when he got home from work he takes some alcohol and makes another cut mark with the razor blade, to bleed a bit more. What he didn’t realize was that he was falling into a terrible addiction.
It got so bad that by almost 1 YEAR at the bank he was sneaking into the toilets anytime he was slightly sad or emotionally disturbed to cut. He always hid a razor blade on him to the office every day. Due to the nature of the banking attire no one figured out what was happening with him. He always had his suit on and never put the jacket off, because his long sleeved white and blue shirts always had so much lines of blood stains on them. He only took the jacket off when he was alone in his cubicle.
He had become addicted to Self-Harming and Alcohol.
He was no longer able to work tirelessly like he used to. He lost all his motivation and didn’t care about his dreams anymore. Suddenly he felt his life had no direction and that his life was already ruined. He was still on his medications, but taking them wrongly. As a result they were not working for him. He was either mixing them with alcohol, or overdosing them for some euphoria. Gradually his situation kept getting worse.
Eventually, few months after his 1 year at the bank, he quit. HE QUIT HIS JOB. Yes, the job that he loved so much and worked so hard for, was now less important to him than his freedom doing nothing at home, satisfying his dangerous addictions. To him he felt he was doing the company a favor by quitting since he saw himself not to be an asset anymore but a liability to the company.
He soon became suicidal for leaving the bank and being unemployed, he wished he could get his job back but he couldn’t. He was soon admitted to a hospital under suicide watch for some weeks, and was finally discharged. He attempted again and was admitted for a longer period and was finally discharged when he got better and was no more suicidal.
To date it has been exactly 2 years since he quit the bank job, and God willing he is very stable and fit now. He is currently working as a Freelance Business Writer whenever he feels stable, and is taking his medications and psychotherapy sessions seriously.
When you ask him about his banking job you realize that he still regrets his decision back then, but he has moved on and has new goals for his new business. His arms are filled with scars of the deep cuts he made on his wrists, all over her left and right arms. There are times he hates to see them and a number of times he’s had to cook up stories to explain to people what those scars are when he wears clothes showing his arms. Seems people often ask because they hardly look like an accident. These are a part of him now, and he is learning to accept them and get used to people staring at his arms. He is taking his medications and psychotherapy sessions seriously now, and it is obvious that he is going to have his life back on track again.
Goodbye Message… “As a society we must note that Depression, Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Psychosis, and all other mental illnesses, do not care who a person is or what they do. People are going through serious mental issues out there, and unless we stop stigmatizing about mental illnesses and those who come out, we will not know who is going through such problems and need help. Your child, brother, sister, father, or mother, might need your help, but you will only know when there is no stigma”.
Let’s stop stigmatization and listen more. WE HAVE TO FIGHT MENTAL ILLNESSES LIKE LIVES DEPEND ON THEM, BECAUSE THEY DO.
Thanks for reading!